Me & My Nutshell

I'm sure that most people experience peaks and valleys in their life. They lose, they gain. I firmly believe that God endows each of us with a burden to overcome. Some of us, are given a few extras for the hell of it. I guess it's his way of saying, "So what are you going to do?" His desire is for us to overcome the burdens that should ultimately bring us closer to him.

So here are my burdens.. it has taken almost a lifetime to overcome or to even understand why I have them.

I got this thing about money. I like it. I love it. I spend it until it is gone.
I have this thing about alcohol and drugs. I like them.  I love them. I did them until they were gone.
I had this thing about very pretty girls. I like them. I love them. I did them until they are gone.

I have a burden - narcissism and manipulation. I am a very confused dude. Self centered, self seeking- got it also. So why I am writing this stuff? Mainly because the only constant in my life is Multiple Sclerosis. I do not like it. I do not love it. And it will NEVER leave me.

It has stuck with me throughout... and has been a constant companion majority of my life.

Of all the crap that this companion of mine and I have been through, it's loyal. WTF? I'm starting to get the message.

So why am I writing this? It has nothing to do with MS... well.. actually it does. I've had MS for 20 years, which is half of my life... which means it was present and in active in all the days of character flaws. Oh sweet.. sweet MS.

Ok.. I get it God. You have put me through all of these things to make a point. I've survived multiple divorces and disastrous relationships, deaths, addictions, financial ruins even... and I have done it while I was carrying MS on my back. Why? There must be a reason. I am now at the low point in my life.. I have lost everything at least twice, yet my buddy is right by my side.

It's kinda like Stephen King said, "You either come out the other side, or you don't."

Well I'm through the other side.. and OOOOH... I get it. I really get it. These were my burdens. But this is my reality.