You Could've Had All Of This!

Does a handicap like MS really affect cupid's arrow? Isn't it just what is inside that counts? Isn't it for better or for worse? Sickness or health?

Well.. if there was a sure fire way to make cupid a marksman and shoot straight, I would have found it.

I need to be honest... I am a habitually amorous, chronically toxic, relationship junkie.
I've used my disease for sympathy a few times, but rarely was I aware I had. I have attracted good girls and bad girls, old fashioned, contemporary, hippie chicks, ivy league, old & young, and of many nationalities, and all of them have said, "MS isn't an issue."

I have even dated girls that swear they did not notice certain things about me. (Yet a blind man can see.) Now, I don't want to say that MS is the straw that broke the camel's back, but I believe it created concerns.

I think this is how my date/relationships/marriages go. I'm so freakin' awesome, very pretty, a little tall, and I am funnier than any guy you have ever known. ;-) Not to mention, a well traveled chef and musician, who sits down to pee (that's a entire chapter.)

I think out of the box and try to set the bar at an unattainable height. But just wait until I drop the bomb on them, and it goes like this:

Me: I gotta tell you something.
Her: **her shoulder slumps** Okay.
Me: I have a chronic progressive disease that affects my central nervous system.
Her: **as she slumps and takes a deep breath** Okay.
Me: I've been diagnosed for a very long time now.
Her: **as she shuffles in her seat** Okay.
Me: But it ain't that bad. No big deal.
Her: *sigh of relief* I was wondering about that!

Well, her response to my last statement is what really mattered the most. She takes it as, "It's not like I'm going to be dating a cripple. Because you look so good."

(Which is common in MS.)

Although her mind is racing, due to not truly understanding what MS is, or maybe their mother has a friend that has been devastated by MS. Now I go into the spin mode - rallying all the celebrities with MS, and how we are all different, and pointing out the various types.

Then I layer on my various achievements in food and music, and I talk in circles and I talk randomly and avoiding any dialogue concerning the bomb I just dropped. It usually goes so well - they are falling for me, I am falling for them... it has got to become a storybook romance. But I am waiting for that light bulb moment in her eyes, and I know exactly when it happens, and I've been in marriages and relationships with so many girls that I can set a clock by their eyes.


I have gotten very good at hiding some obvious issues. At that moment, that awakening, that potential relationship killing moment happens the moment I decide to stand up and I begin to walk.

So I guess the girl must make a decision...

Can I handle all of this guy's "amazing" traits or can I not risk my own lifestyle and what I want in my life?

I don't know why.. cupid shoots who the hell he wants to. I know who I am... and I know my limits from MS. But I know my MS will never weaken my heart.. and that's what counts right?