You're putting what where??!!

So if you have MS, you should be aware of the various bladder issues by now. There is one particular time that is branded in mind, and to this day I feel uncomfortable speaking of it. So it's like this...

Had a bladder spasm. I noticed it first thing in the morning, when I woke up. I was patient, surely I will take care of it. I was determined. I slowly dripped water from the sink, I sat on the throne praying for a few drops. But now, it just wasn't happening.

Let's fast forward a few... It's been 19 hours and I have not pissed a drop. Out of fear I refused consumption of any liquid. So I surrendered to what I knew must be done. Catherization. 

So I tenderly asked my girlfriend at the time if she could drive me to the ER. I did not let on to what I knew would happen, there was no way to drive myself... I was suffering and in pain. The little small town hospital shined as bright as a Las Vegas hotel. I think I heard the hearts of a thousand angels as we parked at the entrance. Thank God there was not a wait, cause I think I am close to passing out now. Kinda drowning from the inside out. So I walk in and jump up on the cold exam table, as a doctor, a very large Nigerian fellow, with heavy hands and a thick accent, places one finger on my bladder and pushes. Hmmmm... I think my eyeballs popped out.

To which Dr. Zulu says, with a very deep accent, "Oh boy."
He offers me the easiest/hard decision ever - He says, "Mr. Milner, we need to catheterize you immediately. Now we have two nurses available, which one would you prefer?"

"We have Tom and we have Sally. "

So without hesitation, I said, "I want Tom." Because I saw Sally as I was walking in and she was smoking hot. So the way my mind processes it is this - Tom would not be any happier to be holding my penis, as I would if he held it. And well.. you see... if Sally performed the procedure, she would no longer be a dating option for me. Either way, I'm having a tube shoved in my pee- pee.

So Tom.. you're it dude.. and these are the ground rules:
You nor I will ever speak of this.
If you pass me on the street, do not under any circumstances look me in the eye.
Don't smile. Don't make me think you just winked.

Now I have white knuckled it, and I am positive the tube was as long and big around as a gardening hose. I try not to watch in the beginning. Finally he says, "Now we got to blow it up." I don't even want to know how ... just get it over with.

In some sort of weird foreplay, he asked me, "Are you ready?" Now imagine, I have not urinated in 20+ hours and what Tom, the male nurse, did with the flip of a switch, was facilitating the most intense orgasm I ever had. Sooo.. it's either the first time I was ever catheterized.. or the last time a man ever fondles me..

But if it ever happens again, I'm going to request Sally.